It's more of the same. Today was a bad day. I drove past your work 3 times. Your house twice and your meeting once. I went for a walk on your trail, hoping I'd run into you. I was hoping your be out there doing a little reflecting. I have this feeling tonight was the night you were getting your 5 year cake. Funny because I'd pictured this occassion often. I was watching you and your girls from the back of the room, just smiling. I'd like to say I'm proud of you, but I don't feel I have the right. I wasn't with you through the nitty gritty. But I'm glad you didn't end it like so many do. The world is truely a better place with you in it.
On the trail I was trying to figure out why I wanted to see you so bad. What is it that I want you to know? That I miss you? I'm sure you know that. And for what purpose would you need to know that. I miss having somebody in my life that likes to talk about spirituality. I miss the excitement that was between us. I miss the ENERGY that was between us. The thought that that might never exsist again is too much to bear.
Goodnight my love.

My Missing

I want to write "I MISS YOU" across the sky. I don't know what good it would do. These conflicting emotions are making me mad. Do you know I still think of you hundreds of times a day? Do you think of me the same? When will this end? Really, it's been over a month now. I want to be able to think of you and smile, not cry.

You'll have to do

So I've decided that everytime I get the urge to contact him I'll post here instead and send it out to the universe. :) and if he's supposed to hear it, he will.

I still miss you, I always will.
I forget what you're face looks like, I forget what you smell like. Do you still drink Starbucks? Will I ever stop watching every car that passes me to see if it's you? Will I ever want to wear perfume again? Will I ever want to have a candle lit bath.

I found good getting over you music, Michelle Featherstone (Coffee and Cigarettes). I miss drinking tea and listening to music like hers. I miss your candles, I miss watching you with your kids, I miss the way you used to look at me, hug me, wake me up in the morning. I miss watching you get dressed, put on your necklaces, listen to Eckhart Tolle, fill your coffee mug, wave to me from the porch. I miss your voice on the phone, that sweet and low gentle voice. I miss your quirky emails in the morning. I miss knowing you're thinking about me. I know you're still thinking about me, just like I'm thinking about you. I miss your horrible typing skills. I miss lying on your porch looking at the stars.